A violet cordial in the summer
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: It was so warm. Just a violet cordial in the summer and his voice, in the background.


_It had never crossed my mind. Not really. I used to like being with them. A lot, yes, but only because they were my friends. I think it's normal, isn't it? So lord knows why it changed suddenly. Why my eyes decided to see the situation under a new angle. A bright light. Perhaps a bit too much. I don't believe in coincidences so it must be fate._

_My fate._

_I went through weird cravings that summer. I almost dropped out the pills. The alcohol. And began an intense relation with violet cordial. I loved the way it slided along my throat. The sweetness of the liquid and the taste left on my tongue. It seemed to stir some memories hidden in a corner of my head. Asleep for a very long time. Childhood souvenirs of a summer spent on a beach. Somewhere in South Africa._

_I remember the heat, almost unbearable in the city. The sun blinding us as soon as we went outside. New York seemed to go slower, apathetic under the high temperatures. For once I prefered to stay at the office, a bit cooler. And drink liters of violet cordial under Grace's amused gaze. Astonished in front of my unexpected sober behavior. It may be the reason why everything appeared different to me by then._

_All of a sudden._

_Every evening we met each other. At the terrace of a restaurant, a bar. It was the first moments of the day when we were able to breathe again without air conditioning. Everyone looked relieved, at last. Tired after a whole workday but peaceful on those summer days. I forgot our discussions, why Grace became mad at Jack once and almost stormed out taking away with her the peanuts the waiter had brought a few minutes earlier._

_Why she came back immediately and hugged him. Why we laughed so hard, Will and I. I don't remember why. But still, there was always a glass of violet cordial waiting for me on the table. The purple of the beverage contrasting with the white of our clothes. With the brown of my eyes. Some pure moments of a half past life. It was just that, perhaps. My life._

_I used to go barefoot through the park. Enjoying the touch of the grass on my feet. Warmed up by the sun, a sweet kiss on my skin. Was I changing? Or just living. I don't know but something took possession of me, one day, under those blue skies. Something I can name and that makes me smile. It turned clearer, for my highest delight._

_For my heart._

_After those long moments on the terrace outside we used to go back at Will's flat. The sun going down, passing through the shutters, lighting up our bodies, there. In the dark. It was time for barbecues, chips freshly taken out of the oven and vainilla ice-cream. It was time for the kids of the area to play outside till very late in the night. I still can hear their high-pitched voices coming from Riverside Park. Filling the flat with all the innocence of their smiles. It wasn't just a summer more in our lives. It was the right one._

_I didn't spend a lot of time at my own house during those two months. I stayed with them. Sleeping at Jack's, at Will's. I was afraid the spell would break if I went away. All these hours, those days. The three of them. I needed it to feel fine. A retroprocess into my childhood. The care of my friends, the sweetness of the violet cordial. It tucked me in and rocked my soul like the most beautiful lullaby. A song escaping from the past._

_Just once._

_Nobody did anything particular. In order I changed my mind. I didn't grow up closer to any of them. I just kept on living, day after day. Night after night. Looking at the stars shining in the sky. A slight breeze running through my hair. We stayed still, like that, during an infinite time. Sat down on the floor of his terrace. Our heads leaned backwards, looking up at the immensity above us. A deep blue scattered with golden marbles, drawning symbols every night._

_Grace and Jack were the first to succomb to their sleep. Plunging into their dreams with closed eyes, a regular breath. I used to live mine my eyes wide open. Wishing I were able to fly. And feel light, free. Brushing the clouds, embracing their smoothy forms. Like a child. That little girl I had been once. The one who wanted to become a housewife. The perfect wife. And so I wouldn't have to move out every since and then._

_Finding out a place. The right one._

_There was just the two of us, then. Will and I. He used to take me in his arms and we kept looking at the sky. Over and over. Without moving; Without speaking. We just stayed like that till we fell asleep under the canopy of heaven. Rocked by the silence of the city. The rythm of our hearts. A glass of violet cordial next to me. Its smell wrapping us in a sweet motion, a fairytale of an old time. An antique dialect forgotten for a long while._

_That was my favorite moment of the day. The one I was expecting the most. The only thing I was thinking about while looking at the clock on the wall, hours passing by. The slight thought of finding back the safety of his arms, the stars shouting loud their love to the world, spread under their bright smiles. And my heart, gorging itself with Will's soul. I realized it, little by little. All what it meant. My feelings._

_I was in love with him._

_The summer vanished taking away our nights. My dreams. The stars stopped shining, temperatures fell down, kids never went out back. A gray sky erased the sun, freezing our lives. The rain started pouring, sweeping my summer charm. Fall came, mourning those days from the past. Faded memories in my mind. And those tears, on my heart._

_I miss his arms, his head leaned against mine. I wish he knew and we could come back to those times. I may have forgotten our conversations, the words we shared under the blue sky till very late, so far. But my feelings for him remain, there, in my soul. I live for those summers that have to come. When I find back the warmness of his hands caressing my nape, my back._

_And the smell of the violet cordial celebrating my smiles._


End file.
